I love Jesus

I really really love Jesus.


I just want to burst out ranting about Jesus and how great he is. I don't even know what I want to write here, specifically. I know nobody reads this blog, and I doubt anyone will ever see this post, but I needed somewhere to put express myself. Even if nobody ever sees this, at least it public.

Let me explain some things. First, I've been a Christian for a while, but it seems that the more time goes by, the more casual I get about it. I haven't been to church in a while, and I barely talk about God or anything anymore. Well anyway, a lot of stuff has been happening in my life lately, and I'm not sure how much detail I want to go into, so I'll just type and see where I get to.

For starters, college starts up again in less than a month. I've never been crazy about college but I'm particularly not happy about going back this time. It doesn't help that I've practically wasted away my summer, not doing anything. My family hasn't even been doing regular summer activities, like getting ice cream and stuff. But that's not the worst of it. A few weeks ago, a lady I sort of knew died. Her name was Gene, or Jean, I'm not sure how to spell it. She was quite old, and I can't say I knew her that well, but when I would see her as a kid, she was always nice to me.

Around the same time she died, or maybe a little before, another older guy a I know went to the nursing home. His name is Jim, and he used to run a front loader at my job. He started getting kind of sick a couple weeks ago, all delirious and stuff. On his last day there, he was so out of it that I was afraid he was going to have a heart attack right there in the loader. A couple days later I went into work and found out that he had retired on short notice, and was in the nursing home after having congestive heart failure. He's in the nursing home now, and while I don't have any specific evidence that he's going to die soon or anything, he is getting up there in age and after having heart problems, I don't know how much longer he has in him, either.

The worst part is my cousin, though. My cousin Bryan was diagnosed with cancer a couple years ago and over the last couple weeks it has just about taken him. This past weekend we thought he wasn't going to make it, then he suddenly got better enough that they are planning to send him home tomorrow (well, later today, since it will probably be past midnight by the time this is finished.) I mean, he doesn't have much time left in him, but at least he will be close by.

Being a Christian, I thought I had come to terms with death, but with all this suddenly slapping me in the face, I've started thinking a lot about it. And life, and living it to the fullest, and all that jazz. Tonight I sat down at the table with my computer to play a video game. When my screen popped up, I have a picture of my cousin as my wallpaper that I took on a camping trip last summer. We've always been pretty close and stuff, but have kind of drifted apart over the last six months or so.

I haven't seen her in about four months. When my mom, who just saw her the other day, saw the picture on my computer, she said "Kayla doesn't even look like that anymore." This might sound weird, but that hit me so hard I just about started crying. I've been trying to get together and see her for a while but things haven't worked out in months. I was so upset I had to stop playing the game and come upstairs and listen to music to help me calm down.

First I was listening to metal, because the emotion and power in the music helps me to forget about the stuff in my own life. But then I started thinking, why turn to some kind angry music to help me? God has always been in my life, and He is real. He loves me, so why not turn to him? So I turned to worship music instead, and within a couple songs, I had tears of joy and was mouthing the words. I didn't want to sing out loud because my parents were sleeping in the other room, but I had the urge to just run outside yelling the lyrics as loud as I could. Because they spoke a simple truth: God is great. Jesus is awesome.

Now this actually happens quite frequently when I get really upset, and usually when things settle down, I start to lose interest again. I really hope that doesn't change this time, because I need my faith to be refreshed. What was different, though, is usually when I listen to music, even worship music, I like to pretend I'm playing it up on stage. This time, though, that didn't happen. I was just "singing" (well, mouthing) it to God, really feeling how great He is and communicating praise and worship to Him, rather than using it to pretend I was a rockstar or something.

That's because, like I said, God is great. He loves us all. Even though we have suffering here on earth, the most faithful people in the Bible suffered so much, but they accepted it, because they understood just how great God is. Jesus was murdered on a cross, for Christ's sake! (PUN! lol) I know that no matter what happens, God loves me. He sent his son Jesus, his only true begotten son, who has is literally His word turned into a living being, to die for me. Then He rose him up again to prove that not even death can stand up to the faithful.

I accept Jesus. I love him, I love God, and I fully acknowledge that Jesus is my lord and savior. He is great in all that he did, and is doing, and in the love that he has for us. I can never fully comprehend He who is beyond the universe, who is so great that all that exists bows to His will. You might think that a being so awesome like that would look down on humans, but we are God's children. He knows and loves each and every one of us. And because of that, I know that no matter what happens here on earth, no matter how old anyone gets, no matter how many people get sick, no matter how much heartbreak exists, God is eternal. God will never end, and neither will His love for us. And for those who accept him, neither will we.

Maybe nobody will ever see this, but just in case, I want to leave you with a message. Do you want to accept Jesus as your lord and savior? The most famous quote from the Bible, John 3:16, says "For God so loved the world that he sent His only begotten son, so that whoever believes in Him would not perish, but have everlasting life." Accepting Jesus won't make you win the lottery, and it won't cure your diseases, and it won't get you a new job. But truly accepting Jesus and God and making them a part of your life means that none of that stuff matters, because you will be enveloped by a love beyond anything that you could ever imagine.

I don't know if I can give instructions on how to start a relationship with God, but I found a pretty informative article on Google, so if you are interested, check this out: http://www.intouch.org/you/article-archive/content?topic=how_do_i_accept_jesus_as_my_savior_article

And if this blog just seems like a Big Lipped Alligator Moment to you and isn't really your think, I don't want a religious debate. I just wanted to talk about something that makes me happy. So thank you all for reading, and I love you all, very much. God bless you :-)